


Afraid of losing you

by ShinigamiCara



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Arguing, Developing Relationship, F/M, Grell is fed up, Grim Reapers, Love, Reapers, William worries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiCara/pseuds/ShinigamiCara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Why is it so hard, loving you?’ he murmured, rather for himself than for Grell, and he smoothed her hair down.<br/>‘I’m sorry,’ Grell breathed. ‘Let me leave if that’s what you want.’</p><p>After their love confessions, it is still hard to get used to William's rules and Grell is fed up. They are two different worlds - but they need each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid of losing you

**Author's Note:**

> There may be grammar mistakes, typos or other errors - I am awfully sorry about that.

A long, blinding lightning zigzagged through the sky of London; the winding, wild line tore the tranquility of the darkness and lit up the sleeping city. Its white light draw sharp shadows on the Reaper’s porcelain-like face. Grell Sutcliff was sitting on the window seat in William’s study, her forehead against the cool glass, staring outside. The loud thunders that came from time to time made her quivering – no matter how brave, courageous and fearless she was in general, she inexpressibly hated the storm. She didn’t even remember why; this feature may come from her rapidly fading human life.

Grell pulled her knees closer to her torso and put her chin on them. Her crimson red locks fell forward, covering her sorrowful face. Although she wasn’t able to sleep, no matter how late it was, she closed her eyes from time to time as she was listening to the rhythmical drumming of the raindrops that were falling against the window. The room was cold (the fireplace was empty; William, who was always trying to save money, didn’t heat his flat needlessly), so the Shinigami who was not fully dressed kept slightly shivering in the cold draught. She drew together the shirt she was wearing – William’s shirt that she filched and wore as a nightshirt. Touching the immaculate and soft textile made Grell think about him; she remembered their quarrel earlier that night which caused her insomnia.

She was living at William’s home for three weeks and – according to her – she behaved irreproachably. She respected all the rigid, dull rules of him, like the followings:

– At work they mustn’t disturb each other. (In other words: _Grell_   mustn’t bother William.)

– It was strictly forbidden to talk about their relationship. (Grell hated this rule. It was just so unbelievably hard to keep this as a secret.)

– She had to stop flirting around with everyone. William told her that was annoying. (At first Grell thought that her prince was jealous, but he simply denied it.)

– If William needed to bring his paperwork home, Grell must have waited till he finished everything. (These nights seemed endless to Grell.)

– After overtime she mustn’t bother him. (He was so grouchy.)

And so on. The red Shinigami did her best to be comprehensive but after the third time William spent the night with filling documents instead of spending time with _her_ she was thinking – were all these changes she made in her life worth if she doesn’t get _anything_ in return?

Grell made a grimace as she recalled all the little grievances that had gathered in her. She was sick and tired of being called _Sutcliff_ by Will; that he _never ever_ pronounced her name when they weren’t alone; that he kept some distance whilst the other Reapers were around too; that he went on punishing her every time she was late, just like he did with the others.

Although she knew William wanted to be with her she felt that he just couldn’t ease off. The older Reaper stuck to exactness and accuracy so much that Grell just couldn’t stand.

Moreover, a horrible thought had appeared in Grell’s mind: she felt like being exploited by William somehow. Yes, he was kind to her when he wanted but anyways he was introvert. Grell couldn’t stand being treated as an object that one can get bored by and just put it aside.

So no wonder she got angry. Earlier that night, after finishing work she just couldn’t bear it anymore. They were in the living room; William was about to put some cakes and a tea set on the coffee table while Grell got rid of her wet coat and she laid it on a chair.

‘Will?’ she asked suddenly, not looking at the Reaper.

‘Hm?’ The raven-haired Shinigami didn’t bother to look up, he was sorting the tiny cakes on the porcelain plate. Looking at the plate he thought about Grell’s skin – the same shining whiteness…

‘I just… can’t stand you keep so much distance from me.’

 _It was said_. Grell felt a little bit relieved that she could finally get rid of those oppressive thoughts – but she was still afraid what could happen next. There were some moments of silence when she could hear her own galloping heartbeat.

‘Grell.’ William sighed and he adjusted his glasses before turning around to face Grell. ‘I thought we’ve already discussed this, haven’t we? You know, the rules…’

‘You and your rules!’ Grell exclaimed and she threw her black gloves she’d just taken off the moment before to the couch, furiously. ‘Why are you stick to them at this point? Why aren’t you able to _live_?’

‘Grell…’

‘You treat me as if I was your toy.’ Grell’s lips were trembling as she said the accusation. ‘As if you could just throw me away.’

William, who was quite irritable after his overtime (he was always responsible for the other’s faults!), raised his voice.

‘Do you know what would happen if the others knew what’s between us? Do you know what our superiors would do?’

‘I don’t care’ Grell muttered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

‘We’d be _separated_ , Grell. Do you understand this?! I’d be _removed_. Or you. Do you want _this_ to happen?’

The extravagant Shinigami was just standing there, gazing at the pattern of the carpet of the living room, not saying anything.

‘Calm down, Sutcliff,’ William added quietly and he left the living room for his study to finish work. Grell was left alone – her mouth wide open because of astonishment, her heart broken as if a death scythe was stabbed in it.

‘You still see me as an idiot who makes trouble all the time,’ she whispered to the closed door. ‘I’m nothing for you.’

That night William went to bed late and this time Grell didn’t join him. She settled down on the couch in the living room but she wasn’t able to sleep. The downpour became a real storm outside, so Grell went to the living room from where there was a nice panorama to London – and to the rain. It was exactly the same thing as the battle in Grell’s heart – wild, rough and unstoppable.

Grell strived hard against her ambivalent feelings. On the one hand there was her love for William that surpassed everything. Since she had let flooding her feelings for him, Grell wasn’t the same. The loud, provocative Reaper became sensitive and vulnerable. This fact scared her. But on the other hand she worried about that violent hate she felt for William in that moment, thinking of his words…

_And he called her Sutcliff again._

Grell knew William loved her, he _must_ have loved her. But it wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to know but she wanted to _feel_ it. William’s home felt suddenly so uncomfortably tight that she _had to_ act. She stood up and went to the living room where she could find her clothes spread carelessly on the couch. She put on her trousers, tucked her shirt in it, looked for her shoes and her waistcoat, tied carefully her red-and-white ribbon around her neck, picked up her red coat and put on those black gloves too.

Grell went back to the study and opened the window. She let the panes slam against the walls with a loud knock. The sharp raindrops and the stormy wind hit Grell on the face but that was exactly what she needed, what she wanted – to feel something other than this harrowing sadness and laming _helplessness_.

The Shinigami jumped as elegantly on the ledge as a cat; she didn’t look back as she clutched on the window frame, gathered some energy and she just leaped up to the roof.

*****

A loud thunder woke up William from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes as he was sleepy and he put his palm spontaneously on the other side of the bed, just to caress Grell – William knew she hated storms. But there was no one under the duvet. William sat up; after some moments of searching in the darkness he could find his glasses on the bedside table. He adjusted his hair, stepped into his slippers and put on his gown.

‘Grell?’ he whispered whilst he was going to the living room. The red Reaper was expected to sit on the couch, awake, just like two weeks ago when there was a similar storm in the middle of the night. But the room was empty.

‘Grell?’

William closed the gown on his chest as he was cold and he headed for the bathroom. He was fully awake. Grell wasn’t there neither. He got confused. William took a look in the kitchen, the laundry, the larder as well – no result. His heart was beating faster and faster in his chest; he felt something was wrong. He headed for the last room he hadn’t checked yet – the study. He opened the door, slowly and carefully, and looked in. The sudden draught surprised him, his eyes widened as he noticed the wide-opened windows.

On the floor, in complete chaos, he could see his documents that were thrown down by the wind. The rain had drenched the carpet and there was a huge puddle on the desk as well. The Shinigami looked around, dumbfound as he was.  _Why did she leave like this?_

William felt quite miserable thinking about their quarrel earlier that night. Grell chose the worst moment; he was exhausted after doing Knox’s work during three hours (that _idler_ just didn’t deserve to be called a Shinigami according to Will). So this was the reason he didn’t react properly to the situation.

It wasn’t an excuse, of course it wasn’t. He felt a horrible pain in his heart thinking of Grell’s broken expression as he said ‘Sutcliff’ again. _Damn_ , he hated these formalities! Although he’d never said, every time he saw Grell at work he got distracted. He wanted to be close to her. This fact seemed scary. That’s why he needed his practical self – he didn’t want to do something stupid, risking his or Grell’s position. That wasn’t an option, no.

He knew perfectly that Grell wasn’t satisfied with their life but he hadn’t find the solution yet that could make things better. Grell made sacrifices for him – and he just… didn’t appreciate them. She painfully tried to adapt herself to the rules he made. It was hard for her. But still, she made efforts. How the hell could it happen that he ignored it?

He picked up the papers from the floor (and reminded himself that later he had to organize them again), then he noticed that he was still wearing his striped pyjamas. William sighed and he opened the wardrobe to look for his black Shinigami-uniform. An immaculate coat, a black tie, snow white shirt – the usual thing. He put on everything precisely but quickly. After changing clothes he jumped to the ledge, closed the window carefully and went up to the roof.

As far as the eye could see, the silhouette of the sleeping London was extending under his feet. William, the experienced Reaper knew perfectly that this tranquility was only seeming. The dirty, narrow alleys of the capital were the home of several weird creatures and dubious activities. This was the reason why he was worried: somewhere there, in the cold, in the rain, Grell was out – the only person he cared about.

*****

The red Shinigami kept leaping from roof to roof with enormous, energetic jumps. Her hair fluttered her back; her strands were drenched by the heavy rain but she didn’t care. All she needed was to be alone, be free, get rid of limits and refind herself. Her thoughts mingled; they merged as watercolor on the paper. She was thinking about William, his manias, his coldness. _I wish he’d finally understand that life’s more than work… I wish he’d comprehend what he threw away._

She shook off the pain and let out a delightful sigh as the sweet feeling of freedom permeated her body. She was unbelievably happy that (no matter if it was just temporary) she could get rid of that unnatural ‘good girl’ role that was unlike her.

After an hour of aimless jumping and leaping from roof to roof, she noticed a shadow, on the wharfs of the Thames, in a narrow and dark alley – a silhouette that was far too familiar to her. A wide smirk appeared on her face. She didn’t expect this! _This can’t be accidental… He’s the one I need right now,_ she thought. _Some thrill, some life…_

A quiet little thought settled down in her mind. _It’d be easier for Will if I disappeared now. I wouldn’t cause problems for him anymore._ Grell was someone who desperately needed to be appreciated, understood and loved – but if she couldn’t get it, she was satisfied with danger and excitement instead, too.

The Reaper jumped to the depth of the filthy little alley with a graceful motion; her high heeled shoes thudded quietly on the floor. She smoothed her locks down, licked her lips and smirked. _Here and now, nothing matters_. The shadow could be hardly seen in the darkness but she could make out that he was standing there, not so far away, turning his back to her. _Here I come!_

‘Sebas-chaaaan,’ she trilled with her honeyed voice. Her emerald green eyes were sparkling in the dark.

That demon butler, Sebastian Michaelis noticed the presence of the Shinigami before she started to talk but as soon as he heard Grell’s voice he turned around and let out an annoyed sigh.

‘Grell Sutcliff.’

‘You missed me?’ Grell asked, beaming. She was playing with a strand of hers, just like a mischievous teenager girl who tries to seduce a guy.

‘Not at all.’ Sebastian’s ruby red iris was glowing as he became slightly annoyed. Grell was nothing more than an irritating obstacle in his work he had to avoid. He had no time to waste for her.

‘Oh, Bassy, you haven’t changed _at all_!’ Grell giggled, stepping closer. Every step caused a quiet thud on the wet cobblestones. ‘You’re still so _cool_ and _unreachable_ , my darling, you inflame my heart!’

‘Hah.’ An obvious disgust was on Sebastian’s face.

‘Oh my, what a look!’ Grell spread her arms, closed her eyes and smirked. She started to act as if she was on the stage. ‘Reddish-shining irises… Red, like blood… The colour of passion and lust!’ She winked at Sebastian. ‘My favourite.’

‘Sebastian.’ The gruff voice was so sudden that Grell had to look for its origin. That was Ciel Phantomhive, the young earl, the Queen’s Watchdog who was waiting in the shadow. Of course he was there. He was always there, he _had to_ be there – fulfilling dangerous missions in dubious circumstances, asserting her majesty’s will.

 Not everything is as it seems, this was true for the thirteen-year-old boy too – he only seemed to be a nice doll wearing an expensive coat and a top hat but he was much more. Looking at the unusual couple of Grell and Sebastian, he gave the order quietly. ‘We don’t have time to fool around. Finish it.’

‘That’s it,’ Grell purred, still smirking, getting as close to Sebastian as possible. ‘This night, you and me, we’ll finish what we’ve started…’ She was playing with the demon’s tie. ‘Our story is the modern version of Romeo and Juliet…’

‘Sebastian!’

‘Young master, you know what you have to do,’ Sebastian answered submissively; his eyes were on Grell as he stepped back with a grimace on his face.

Ciel Phantomhive sighed angrily as he took off his eyepatch. The black silk fell on the filthy paving and the boy opened his eyes. His pupils were widened, in his right eye, which was violet, the sign appeared – the sign that showed he and the demon were one and the same, till the very end, till Ciel gets his goal…

‘Sebastian! I order you!’ His voice broke the silence. ‘I order you to get rid of that bastard! _Now_.’

A mischievous smirk appeared on the demons face. He was ready.

_‘Yes, my lord.’_

Sebastian bowed slightly then attacked Grell with graceful motions. The Phantomhive butler was fighting so lightly as if he was dancing – but Grell wasn’t less talented neither. She summoned her scythe and a high-pitched shout left her lips as she attacked Sebastian, but the demon evaded her easily and he hit her right in the face. Grell wasn’t prepared for it so she fell on the floor with a crack.

‘Don’t you hit a _lady_ in the face!’ she whined but then stood up immediately to fight. She was bleeding but that fact didn’t stop her from smiling. Circling around the demon she felt alive again.

‘A _real_ lady wouldn’t be as… irritating as you are,’ Sebastian replied, trying to catch her but Grell was faster. She laughed her head off.

‘Ah, what a temper! I missed it so much!’

‘I’m afraid you won’t be able to enjoy it to the full’ Sebastian shook his head slightly. ‘My master gave me an order. I have to fulfill it.’

The next minutes were mixtures of graceful, well-balanced fight motions. Sebastian was hitting and kicking Grell; the Reaper tried to rift him with her scythe. The chainsaw worked perfectly and caused some minor scratches on the demon; the butler was able to hit Grell from time to time but never enough.

 _Ah_ , the Reaper thought, _finally something interesting is happening. This is much better than waiting for Will to finish…_ She attacked Sebastian with an enormous force but the demon could parry the hit. She gathered some energy for the next one. _Will wasn’t able to understand me… Yes, it’ll be better for him to finish this…relationship._ Whilst she was thinking, Sebastian hit her in the face again. She fell on her knees, wheezing.

‘I am not sure I remember well,’ Sebastian commented quietly ‘but I was sure you had been _stronger_ before.’

Grell didn’t reply. Blood was dripping from her nose and she was looking at the crimson red drops on the cobblestones. Suddenly an inexplicable sorrow captured her heart. _I wish I didn’t cause trouble for Will. He was kind… Yes, we had problems, but still… Do I really need…_ this?

The Shinigami got confused.

*****

It took more than an hour to find Grell. William’s heart was beating desperately as if it was a small bird, captured in a cage made from his own ribs, who wants to be free. While he was looking for Grell, he played many scenarios in his head; one was more worrying than the other. The thought of losing Grell choked him, as if his tie was too tight on his throat; desperation made him to act.

But he didn’t expect finding her… like _this_.

Grell was laying on the floor; apparently she abandoned herself (which was totally unlike her). That demon stood above her, with a disgusting smile. William stopped for a second, blinking, trying hard to understand the scene. His Grell and that repellent creature. Together.

_She promised. She promised me not to meet him anymore. That I won’t hear about him again…_

Consternation changed into an impossibly strong anger as he saw Sebastian treading on Grell’s back. William summoned his scythe and jumped, ready for attacking. While he was falling down, he regained that well-known mask of soberness that was his when working. He didn’t let the anger dominate his motions; he was graceful when he stabbed his scythe into the demon’s back – or, to be honest, he just _tried_ to do so, because Sebastian simply stepped away without looking back to see William. The Reaper gave a quiet grunt.

‘Get off her, _demon_.’

His voice was menacing, ice cold and determined. Sebastian turned around to meet his eyes, abandoning his tormented victim on the floor. A mischievous smirk appeared on his face.

‘W-will…’ Grell muttered and lifted her bloody face to see her love. ‘You came to save me…’

‘Someone has to prevent you from doing rubbish’ he replied simply, almost smiling but he realized he had better not do it. To get over the confusion, he adjusted his glasses carefully. The glass sparkled slightly in the dark. ‘Go away,’ he addressed himself to Sebastian.

The demon took a look at his watch, then looked at his master who was still waiting in the darkness. Ciel nodded, so Sebastian simply said:

‘Young master, I think we have to go.’

Ciel didn’t say a word whilst his butler took him in his arms. Before leaving, the demon butler who had irreproachable manners addressed some words to Grell as well.

‘It was nice to fight with you, Grell-san.’

Some seconds, the thud of his steps got more and more quiet – then they disappeared. A complete, horrible silence fell on them. William looked at Grell who was still laying at his feet and the Reaper suddenly got confused by the many feelings that attacked him. Anger. Love. Anxiety. Relief. He didn’t even know which one to choose.

‘Will.’ Grell made an attempt to sit up. Her voice was blurred and uncertain. ‘Will, I…’

‘What the _hell_ was that, may I ask?’ William interrupted abruptly. ‘What were you thinking about? _What_ was that, huh? You disappeared in the middle of the night then I find you here with _him_ , with this villainous, disgusting repent, and…’

‘You worried.’ Grell was looking into his eyes in a woolgathering way.

‘Of course I did, you stupid…! What else could I have done? If something… if something had happened to you, I…’ He stopped, knelt down beside her and grabbed her shoulders to make her sit up. He knew he wasn’t careful, he knew he may had caused pain to her but he didn’t care. He pulled her closer till Grell clang to his chest. ‘Promise me,’ he whispered, his voice was unusually trembling, ‘promise me not to scare me like this again!’

‘Never again.’ Grell closed her eyes. ‘Will… I just… I’m sorry. I don’t think… I mean, I don’t even deserve…’

‘Shut up.’ William hugged her tightly. They were sitting there as if they were two wrecked, as if they were the only persons who remained in this world. Will suddenly understood that was the case – he lacked life for so long that when this redhead came and made a mess of his well-organized world he just couldn’t catch up with the sudden changes. ‘Why is it so hard, loving you?’ he murmured, rather for himself than for Grell, and he smoothed her hair down.

‘I’m sorry,’ Grell breathed. ‘Let me leave if that’s what you want.’

‘I can’t.’ William shook his head slightly. ‘I wish I could just let you go but you’re part of my world. Listen, I know today I was rude to you. I was exhausted. That’s not an excuse, right? That happened. I hurt you. I didn’t appreciate your efforts of respecting my rules. I’m awfully sorry. I can’t change you, and now I understand that I don’t even have to try it. Gosh, how much I complained about your attitude…’ He sighed. ‘Seeing you with that demon…’

‘That was stupid,’ Grell admitted. ‘He’s not… not like you. He’s just a toy. A stupid toy. I don’t even know what I was thinking.’

They were sitting there, on the cold, wet pavement, hugging each other; Grell was listening to William’s heartbeat. Every time they heard a thunder, the red Reaper shivered.

‘Why are you afraid of the storm?’ William whispered into her ear, softly. He was playing with one of her strands; Grell let out a quiet moan.

‘I’m not afraid. I just _hate_ it.’ Grell sniffled. ‘Ah… my nose is still bleeding, and your coat…’

William looked at the stains on his black coat; Grell’s blood painted abstract patterns on it. He looked for a tissue in his pocket and wiped the blood gently from Grell’s face. Sebastian was cruel; she had some injuries. The red Reaper whimpered quietly; William’s motions were as gentle as possible.

‘Don’t worry about that,’ he said. ‘Let’s go home.’

‘Are you sure you want to… be with me?’ Grell asked, she seemed as miserable as never before. William caressed her face.

‘We need each other, Grell. I was afraid of losing you.’

He blushed slightly and looked away; he wasn’t used to that kind of declarations. But the other Shinigami seemed relieved, so he didn’t mind saying it. He stood up and gave a hand to Grell – but she collapsed. She sprained her left ankle while fighting with Sebastian. William sighed; not because he was annoyed but he found this situation ridiculous.

‘You must _always_ provoke me to hold you in my arms, right?’ he asked, his voice was softer than ever and the fact he was joking amazed Grell. She had never seen William so at ease before.

‘Darling, if I knew every time it happens you’d be that kind to me, I’d sprain my ankle every day,’ she replied, eyes sparkling. She put her arms around his neck and William lifted her up.

Not more than five minutes passed by and they were exactly in front of William’s home. Grell pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Her prince took her home. Again. Their eyes met. She was about to say something, to ask something… but she suddenly noticed Ronald on the pavement, grinning. She slipped out of Williams arms that were holding her tightly, and she bit her tongue not to shriek when she felt the pain in her ankle. It was hard to stand but she did her best. She remembered William’s rule: they cannot be seen together.

But to her surprise William stepped closer and put his right arm around her hip to help her standing. To hide her surprise, she just snuggled up to him, hiding her face into his chest, smiling.

‘Well… Senior Spears, senior Sutcliff… good evening.’ Ronald said in the most polite way possible. He came closer, looking confused at William’s arm around Grell. His eyes met Grell’s; she could see the questions there he wanted to ask. She opened her mouth just to explain the situation but William was quicker.

‘Ronald Knox. What are you doing here so late at night if I may ask?’ William’s voice was strict and almost cruel. This time Grell was happy not being in the other’s situation. Being punished by Will wasn’t fun.

‘I… well, I just… umm, I’m about to leave,’ the blond stammered. ‘Good night.’

‘I’ll see you in my office at eight, sharp. Don’t be late. Got it?’ He adjusted his glasses. The glass glinted in an unfriendly way in the darkness.

‘Y-yes, Mr. Spears,’ Ronald muttered and he left as quickly as possible.

Grell looked up to William who was still holding her safely. She blushed slightly as she whispered:

‘I can’t believe you did it…’

‘Knox doesn’t count,’ he replied firmly, and he lifted Grell again. The red Shinigami clutched at his neck tightly. ‘He makes trouble all the time.’

‘Just like me?’ Grell asked with a mischievous smile.

‘No, he’s even worse,’ William shook his head. Grell was looking at him in a weird way. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Nothing,’ Grell breathed. ‘I almost committed the worst mistake in my life, I…’

‘Just forget about this night,’ Will proposed quietly.

‘Kiss me.’ Grell’s voice was nothing more than a whisper so he could hardly hear it. She was still in his arms and he held her tight. A troublemaker, yes. But she was _his_ troublemaker.

He leaned closer, his lips met Grell’s. Seriously, why weren’t they able to be a normal couple? Why couldn’t they act like the others? Grell was so hard to control and William was too frigid. But still, with her arms around his neck and his soft lips on his this relationship seemed right, accurate and proper. More than simply proper, it was just…

‘Come, it’s time to have some rest.’ He was slightly out of breath. Grell’s wide smile was the only thing he could see. He hesitated for a moment then pressed a kiss on her forehead. ‘I hope you don’t want to repeat this action again…’

‘No.’ Grell yawned; she nestled up to William’s chest. She was exhausted, her ankle hurt badly but at least her nose stopped bleeding. This was a long night. ‘I know it is hard for you and it is definitely hard for me. But it’s not impossible. I love you, Will.’

This spontaneous declaration of love surprised the raven-haired Reaper; this was something new. She carried Grell up to his flat – _their_ flat, since the other Reaper lived there too – and took her to bed. Only when they were already curled up under the warm duvet, Grell on his chest and his arms around her, only that moment he could say the truth:

‘I love you too, Grell.’

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, the idea of Grell being slightly afraid of storms came from an other fic I've read long ago, I don't remember which was it and where I found it, sorry :/  
> But I liked the thought, so I decided to use it ^^


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